2. Surf the Internet

Online, we were looking for personal experiences and also facts and data. It seemed like every friend and link pointed us to International Living. We spent seemingly endless hours on the site sifting through lots of very fragmented pieces that never quite led to what we were hoping for. We did get some first-person stories of moving, but not much practical detail. While writing this I found a list of tips for moving abroad which has some very useful hints, though like their other articles it doesn’t really serve as a step-by-step guide.

We also looked at some retire abroad sites, such as Escape Artist (too destination focused) or the Network for Living Abroad (difficult to use). Much more useful for us was The Blayleys, the blog of a tandem cycling couple who had moved to New Zealand, which had very good logistical details on things like the cost of shipping a home and pets.

As far as learning the legal immigration process, including criteria, costs, and national variations, we found the best sources to be on government immigration websites. Canada and New Zealand are particularly well designed, and worth visiting even for people not considering them as destinations. Not only do they clearly outline the application process, but also have features useful for planning, like discussion groups with people asking the same questions we had. We liked the way New Zealand organized by phases- deciding, then applying and moving, and then work and support. We began understanding the variety of point systems, financial requirements and work requirements. While some sites weren’t perfectly user friendly, we got a good sense of how to go about applying and improving our approval odds. We also learned that we were no longer in the prime of our youth. According to various national immigration policies, apparently those of us over 40 are closer to downhill slide than we’d realized. Getting a 2-year working visa gets measurably harder after 40, and nearly impossible for some countries after 45. We uncovered the unexpected element of “now or never” to factor into our planning.

3. Talk to People

Meanwhile, we started actively seeking out people who had done some kind of migration. Talking to people who’ve done it has a lot of advantages. Although any one experience was probably not going to be exactly like ours, we could focus the discussion on our specific questions, as opposed to reading through lots of details that don’t apply. We could really target how they had made their decisions, whether it had met their expectations, and get advice on what we might be failing to plan for.  We talked to people who’d had shorter adventures and more permanent settlements. Particularly keen to talk to anyone who’d moved to or from the countries on our list, we still gained a great deal from stories of very dissimilar destinations.

During this time, a close friend and co-worker of M’s who had long dreamed of using their European parent company to wangle a job overseas applied and was selected for a position in England. Her experience was extremely different from ours, since she was transferring rather than quitting, and the company was helping with all of the immigration details. Also, her entire process from application to resettlement was a two-month whirlwind. Even so, she owned a home in the US, had no friends or family at her new destination and had never lived abroad before. We had excellent discussions about her excitement and fears, and sorting out priorities. Since her move was so much sooner than ours, we got to observe that an overseas move didn’t have to involve excessive drawn-out planning and contingencies. We watched her settle into England where she owns a house and loves her job. We knew she missed her family but eased that with trips back and forth and before long was starting to consider her next adventure. Although we were doing it differently, it was helpful to see that sometimes it’s okay to just do it and be done.

In talking to our friend Pete who has lived abroad a few times, he gave us an invaluable gem of advice, “Give yourself permission to absolutely hate three things about your new country. Then, when something is driving you mad, you just say ‘That’s number 1’ and move on.” He made clear that no amount of planning would eliminate all frustrations, so handling them would be all in our attitude.

Such conversations yielded innumerable other tidbits ranging from expectations about medical exams to hints on shipping furnishings. We found that even people we didn’t know very well were very excited to share stories and support our adventure. The biggest lesson, though, was that virtually everyone was glad they had their migration experience, even if it hadn’t worked out exactly as they’d planned.

After talking to a few people, we realized we also had near first hand experience from M’s father’s year in Paris. Even though he was only going for one year, we had been involved step-by-step in the planning process. We’d been there as he dealt with immigration, banking, finding a residence, leaving his house in the US, as well as all the social factors of leaving. We were in regular contact as he settled in, working to establish routines and community without a job or any close friends. We even got to visit him about half way through and share in his proud discoveries of the best local bakery or the perfect little restaurant.  Although he had some big challenges like language and being alone which we wouldn’t face, having seen his highs and lows and his successful overall result was very encouraging.

Although we never found a complete how-to reference, we were able to use the internet, books and people to successfully confirm that migration was going to be achievable, and most likely be a positive adventure for us.  Now it was just a matter of deciding where we wanted to go.